Lurking in the Shadows

"To light a candle is to cast a shadow." -Ursula Le Guin


A shadow is a figure that never leaves you. It watches your every move and in fact mirrors it. My shadow, is myself. Everyday I must conquer small battles verses myself. There are two sides to me, almost like I suffer from split personality disorder. One side of me is the Jourdain that my friends, family, teachers and the public sees. She is a normal teenage girl. She plays volleyball, she goes to the mall and watches movies on a rainy day. The other side of Jourdain, I call her Jasmine. She is devious and dark. She comes out when Jourdain is alone and sometimes in front of other people. She tells Jourdain negative thoughts and fills her head with dangerous and crude ideas and dreams. Jasmine is the complete opposite of Jourdain. Jourdain is an optimistic person, she is someone who doesn't like to dwell on the bad things in life, but Jasmine does. Jasmine believes life is one big chance to mess up and spend an eternity stuck in one big depressed life. Jourdain wants to travel, see the world, and explore. However Jasmine tells her all the time that it will never happen. Jasmine tells her lies of how she is weak and never will leave Mesquite Texas.

I am Jourdain, however Jasmine is a part of me too. Jasmine is that doubt that I feel when faced with a problem. Jasmine is the ant that bites me when I sit in the grass. Her bite stings and leaves a mark on me until eventually it fades away but me knowing that it is likely for it to come back. It is physically impossible to leave your shadow. Jasmine is with me for life, but she will not determine how my life will play out. Although she may have a little bit of power over me now, I know further along my journey I will gain the power to silence her forever.